What follows is, um, satirical. Though I hate to reveal that from the get-go...
BARE BONES ANALYSIS
- The Coyotes jump out to an early 2-0 lead, thanks to goals from Derek Morris and Kyle Turris. Phoenix fans at Jobing.com Arena high-five each other, remarking, "Hey, we've got an early 2-0 lead! As we all know from games involving the San Jose Sharks at Jobing.com Arena, that lead is insurmountable!"
- Todd McLellan analyzes the situation, and says, "Hmm... a goal from a defenseman, and another from a center, in 3 minutes and 13 seconds worth of play? I bet we can do that in TWO minutes and 13 seconds!"
- The Sharks boldly take up their commander's challenge, causing Ilya Bryzgalov to mutter Russian swear words when he gives up a goal to Sharks center Joe Pavelski and Sharks defenseman Rob Blake, in a 71 second span... or 2 minutes and 13 seconds from the Kyle Turris goal.
- Marcel Goc, who assisted on Blake's goal, is besides himself - "A point? Me? Really? Yeehaw!! - Uwe Krupp won't be the only German with his name on the Cup, not this season, no siree!"
- Desert Dogs coach Wayne Gretzky takes a moment to analyze the situation, and deduces that the Sharks goals came on their first two shots. "Well, I guess Ilya gets another night on the bench - you ok with that, Tellqvist? It's a good thing that Russians and Swedes have historically gotten along, because I don't want any controversy here!"
- As the game degenerates into a dump-and-chase routine, Patrick Marleau is heard muttering, "This looks strangely familiar to something I saw last season..."
- Coach Wayne Gretzky looks at the box score of the last Phoenix / San Jose matchup to try and figure out how to gather two points out of the evening, and cries when he realizes Olli Jokinen is out of the lineup.
- Joe Pavelski decides that tonight is the perfect night to reach 10 goals and 20 points on a game-winner... so he does just that.
Sharks win... again. 41 points in 24 games (20-3-1). The End.