Monday, November 10, 2008

How Your Team Can Beat the San Jose Sharks - 2 Possible Methods

The San Jose Sharks lost to the Phoenix Coyotes tonight 4-2, after being up 2-0 early in the first period. That much you can read about in full here.

This was just the third loss for the Sharks in 16 games - they are now 13-3-0 (still the best in the NHL). It is worth noting that all three losses came on the road.

Now, my fellow Sharks fans might question my judgment here, but I've decided to share some insider information as to how to get YOUR non-Sharks team to defeat us. I know, I'm the Benedict Arnold / Judas Iscariot sort.

There are two possibilities - your team will have to decide which course of action best suits their needs. Oh - and these possibilities will ONLY come into play if your team is hosting the Sharks, because the Sharks have every intention of staying undefeated at home.

Possibility #1

Have some connection to last season's Florida Panthers lineup.

All three losses featured teams that have some connection to the 2007-08 Florida Panthers lineup. Heck, one of the losses came at the hands of the Panthers themselves! Should the Sharks end up in the Cup Finals against the Cats, you'll know where to put your money.

As for the non-Floridian victors: Anaheim featured former Panther punk Steve Montador. Phoenix featured one Olli Jokinen AND Garth Murray.


When the trade deadline approaches in February, and potential playoff match-ups present themselves more clearly, write letters to your respective GM pleading for him to trade for either Ruslan Salei (Colorado) or Mike Van Ryn (Toronto). There - you've got your work cut out for you.

Although, come to think of it, the Sharks DID beat the Avs at the Pepsi Center at the start of the month... which is why this is a possibility, not a guarantee.

Possibility #2

Have thousands of empty seats in your arena.

Admittedly, this will be the hardest task for some of the fan bases out there (all 6 Canadian teams, natch). But I say this without sarcasm - if you want your team to get the best of us, have just a token amount of fans there to witness it. And don't go yourself.

Case in point - the Honda Center (despite its "official" attendance), BankAtlantic Center, and Arena were far from full when San Jose rode into town. The Sharks, who are used to a very rowdy HP Pavilion, must have found the ensuing silence too much to handle. San Jose's next away game is against the Chicago Blackhawks, who have picked the absolute worst time to start filling their arena again.

Wild Card Possibility #1

If you want to increase your team's chances of success, petition them to make on-site parking free. That seemed to enhance both Florida and Phoenix's odds.

Wild Card Possibility #2

Add ice girls, if you don't already have them - and do so quickly.

Traitor though I be - GO SHARKS!

1 comment:

Mr. Plank said...

Hey Dustin,

Couldn't seem to find your email on the page, so I guess this will have to do. Fire me an email at:

I have a little proposition for you.